Sullen consciences wrapping myself by the variant of idiosyncrasies. I have been monotonous but in a slight reserved than before. I finally come to a cessation for my imperfect longing for epiphany of my apprehension. I shall now ecrire une disclosure about all these hypothesis between us that has been colliding, comprendre? :)
My egocentric mannerism has manifestly lead to the superfluous sin in myself. I plead delinquent for having such pretension as I was blinded by all these materialistic debauchery and have been sniffing the air of it through the decades living with such. I have no intention in being one, just got caught up so. But, I still stand in a pair of shoes full with respect and manners; as I would want other people to do so. I have never belittle others dexterity but often caught myself being underrated by others. I still let go of it thinking; humans, full of bewilderment. I just want other people to look at me in an articulately different way. I don't fully describe my physical look, I am way more than that. People's variant in idiosyncrasies has made me so reserved that I do not know who to open up to and let the inner warmth shine through. My high school mates that have been cruising my capillaries through the years made it through by opening those inner warmth in me. They are the only people who fully conceive me. And now, I hope those new people around me, would see me the same way that my high school mates have seen me. You may say that I am draining my pride out, begging you to do so. Because I couldn't stand living in such foul feelings.
And just so you know, I don't have a flawless life. My family is not perfect. They're all in pieces, I am actually ashamed to admit this, but, yes, the relationships in my family doesn't look like what you see in pictures. The only true and tight bond is only between me and my sister and a few of my close cousins. I am having financial problems aggression, I have to find for a part time job if I still want to have this debauchery life that I use to have. Those smiles I've been putting on doesn't even imply the current situations I'm dealing with. And there is a reason why I have more of male friends than female friends that I'm close to; it relates back to those family relationship predicament I'm dealing with. I am lacking of a father's love, have always been.
I hope to those who has seen me in a foul side, to re-look at it again. I have tried so hard to be a part of you people, the community around, but I just can't find the right puzzle to fit it in. Thousand of apologies. I would really love to be accepted back like I used to in the first semester. I am just a weak lass when being detached like this. Not just me, but the other 2 lasses with me too. I can see it in their eyes, but too weak to admit.
Pride pulled down, hoping for an armistice.
Loves, xx
Listening to: Armistice by Phoenix
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