Sunday, August 28, 2016

#138: The holy word that I've been waiting for

Literally me this month.

Despite of what I blogged yesterday, I came to a conclusion that 2016 has actually been a way better year than 2015. (I know it is only August but 8 months of good stuffs in a year? That’s like way too good for me already!) That puts 2015 as the worst year I have encountered in my whole life.

Who knew moving to a new country would grant you with such amazing new friends? Friends that are real keepers. A lot of changes happened this year and all of the changes have made me stepped out of my comfort zone. I met some really amazing people despite of whatever “bad” things that have been happening. I learned a lot through my traveling, picked up a lot of new great friends.

I did not lose any friends. No one has backstabbed me. I came to know how some friends find me important in their life - which is something I deeply appreciate. Some new people that I met taught me how to appreciate this beautiful life, taught me that success is more than just having a career, taught me that there is absolutely so much more to life. I mean there are a few hiccups - but when those happened, it just reminds me how I’ve made such a brilliant decision to cut some people out of my life. No more toxic for me. Also, I did not cried as much when I was in 2015. In 2016, I am just very confused and scared but not heartbroken - so that is already so much better than the years before. It has been an exciting year so far.

I am not usually a fan of ‘new’ and ‘changes’ - but sometimes we got to admit, those are what we really need in life to push us forward. I know career wise is not going so good for me - I used to think that my career defines my happiness, but now I realized that the great people around me are the ones defining my happiness. I’ve got such amazing family and friends who truly believe and support me, so what else do I need? What gives you a better feeling than to see people around you truly happy having you by their sides?

Dear readers, changes are good. Stepping out of your comfort zone to overcome certain fear is good. So you know what? I am going to try to step out of my fear towards romantic relationships. I can overcome that fear. I definitely will. I will try to believe that having feelings is okay. So should all of you who are reading this - step out and overcome whatever fears you have. This is the year.

(Maybe it’s a good year to change industry too?)

Loves, xx
Listening to: In My Blood by The Veronicas

Saturday, August 27, 2016

#137: Swimming under white moon

“Eventhough you got me so confused, trust me babe, I don’t mind a little bruise”

I just realized how my past experiences dealing with relationships affect me now. Mostly is on how I actually am afraid of most of the things. I am so afraid if I dive in too deep, I’ll get hurt – I always have this mind set where everything and anything that I do, I will always end up losing everything and hurt myself. I am afraid of a lot other things when it comes to relationship. I am afraid if I love my partner more than he loves me, I am afraid to show my true feelings because it usually doesn’t turn out right, I am afraid this thing that I am having is not going anywhere and I’ll be left alone in a corner again. As much as how everyone thinks that I am a very strong person, I am actually very vulnerable when it comes to feelings.

Should I follow the flow? Should I be cool? Should I not be jealous? Should I care about my partner? Should I continue this? Should I showcase my feelings? So many questions, yet none is answered.

I had days when I felt like I do not want to get married at all and just focus on my career. Then there are days when I want a husband and beautiful smart kids. And then I had days when I felt like as I age, I felt like I am getting younger like I want to go out drinking every night and party every weekend and to hell what everyone thinks. I mean it is all so confusing. How on Earth do people actually decide that he/she is the one you would want to settle with when you have not met so many other people in this world…

I am a very emotional person when it comes to relationships. I think I tend to destruct it. Not that I don’t want the other person to be with me but I usually care too much that it is irritating. So I am now at a point in life where I do not know what’s my next move because I am too damn scared.

I need someone to tell me that I shouldn’t be afraid of anything. I am willing to take the risk with you if you can tell me that.

Out of love, xx

Listening to: Angel Zoo by Phlake

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

#136: Hosier Lane, Melbourne

 Hosier Lane, Melbourne CBD (February 2016)

Photos I took from my Melbourne Trip in February 2016. What is visiting Melbourne CBD without stopping by the famous Hosier Lane? This has been in my bucket list since forever – so should yours! I love summer in Australia – sunlight is perfect for photos and the cool wind is soothing to your sunburnt skin.


Have lunch at the “Little Italy” area in Lygon Street, Melbourne CBD; then walk to Hosier Lane. You’ll get to enjoy the city vibes. 

A wall art that reflects me and my bestfriend; Anis. 

If you are in Australia, drop by any convenient mart or gas station and get yourself this – the Walls Golden Gaytime Ice Cream. It’s my ultimate favourite. Caramelized Vanilla ice cream with crunchy chocolate coating. Summer and ice creams are matchmade in heaven.

Loves, xx
Listening to : Sleepyhead by Passion Pit