I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I ACTUALLY STILL HAVE THIS BLOG???
(I still love gifs, it's a millennial thing)
I read it (my blog, this blog) again, after 6 years - as an adult who is actually in Communications (something I am being paid for) -- and I am sorry but to chuckle at a lot of the posts. Yo, what the fuck girl? (I am not gonna excuse myself for profanity)
Real thoughts? -- Some posts are pretty good I must say, I am still in disbelief with how I used to be very in touch with my emotions. I now grew to be someone who is very detached from my emotions - it's probably due to my years of experience trying to compartmentalize my feelings and emotions; which by the way has given me so much of an advantage in my career growth.
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I definitely am not the same person I was 6 years ago. Now, I have a god complex (probably because my personality changed from ESFP - Entertainer to ESTP - Entrepreneur, and now I am an ENTJ - Commander). I wouldn't say it is god complex per se (I took a test with a therapist, and I am actually not one okay, calm your horses) - but I am definitely at an age where I know who I am, what I am, what I want, how to get what I want, and most importantly I know how to say no.
It's honestly mindblowing to see how a person could develop their character and personality as the years go by together with their career growth. I have always been ambitious, but in my early 20s I have always lack of self-confidence (not that I am fully confident now but I definitely know now my capabilities) and that sort of hindered me from reaching my full potential at the start, so I guess that is why I was an ESFP - I tried to please people and gain likes.
When I stepped into my mid-20s, I began a new role - I moved from being an Offshore Engineer to a Consultant and all the tough working experiences and very unfortunate love life made me a bit more guarded with my emotions so I somehow turned a bit colder than before. So there you can see me move from being an ESFP to ESTP instead. Everything remains - just that I think more with my head than my heart.
I then started taking on managerial roles and working in a more corporate environment where I have to step up against the Board of Directors, Bosses, etc. and that eventually changed me from ESTP to ENTJ. You can see that now my judgment is better than just me prospecting something.
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Is it a bad thing though?
People now perceived me as a cold, heartless bitch because I know who I am, my worth, and my capabilities, so I am more upfront about shutting someone off if I think it is going nowhere and just wasting my time.
As you can tell from my style of writing, I am now more direct and I don't try to sugarcoat stuff, packing them in a nice box to be presented pleasantly.
I am probably more real now. I am an adult -- and I have no time for well, bullshit. Pardon me for my lack of effort in finding a better word.
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You might wonder "Why to Write now after 6 years?"
Honestly, I have always wanted to write/journal -- besides the fact that I have a very busy, tight 9-5 very boring corporate slave job and me working my ass up very hard to climb that corporate ladder (coz hey apparently climbing that ladder gives me this weird satisfaction), is also because I honestly don't remember the password to this account. Until today. Also, I really need an outlet for, well - my thoughts mostly it's not gonna be intellectual thoughts coz I have obviously had another outlet for that. Mostly are just what I think are my feelings? It wouldn't probably be all lovey-dovey but I want to remember what I felt and how I handled it.
Also, I tried TikTok - it's not for my age. I tried.
I grew up in the blogging era, not even vlogging. BLOGGING. So yeah I figured this is my best outlet (because fuck Twitter for that characters limitation - I am a woman who talks a lot okay?)
Anyway.
Maybe it's the wine. Maybe it's the sudden thought of an old memory (yeah the password is based on something I could relate to in high school). Maybe it is just a stroke of random luck. But I honestly think it's the wine.
Wine and Dine they say! But Wine and Write sounds more of my style?
(By the way, I have a very high alcohol tolerance so most of the time when I write something - I am fully sober)
Are you guys ready for this?
I know some of you weirdos google me and would stumble upon this so yeah be my guest.
P/S: I am not sure what this would look like to me in 5 years' time (when I am someone in an organization - but for what it's worth, this is probably the real-est of me at this age. And I am sure you can see how I would develop throughout the years, so leave your judgment behind, nobody has time for negativity okay Mr Judgey McJudgeful.)
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I still couldn't think of a new sign off,
But it's me, it's 30 y/o Tasy.
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