Unfold me and let me sense this awakening again.
4th of July became an important date to me last year (No, it's not because it's the United States' Independence Day of course). It's because of it's the date when my old ends. Contrary to popular believes, I think no specific date on the calendar gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins. Not even the birthday or new year. People often make January as a fresh start to everything, but your new can begin at any time you want, any time when you're ready to put those past behind as it's an event that changes us, don't you think so? An event that gives new hopes blooming, new perspective on something, and most importantly, an event that lets you go off the old memories.
My new began on the 5th of July 2010. An event that determines my future as I was about to step into something bolder; my degree years. I decided to leave my foolish childish years behind, those puppy love days behind as I'm reaching for something even bigger than all of that. I actually vowed to not do love nor friends except for a few close ones; thinking that I could avoid the hassle of dealing with friendship or love drama like high school does to me. I turned into this ambitious young woman, polished with a new and different mind set towards one goal, that is- Success. Amazingly, it worked well for the first week of my degree year. I actually saw something brightly amazing. It taught me that everyone stands on the same ground; no one's higher or lower. And I actually changed most people's perspectives towards girls without hijabs.
My first day of degree; On my way to University of Malaya; I actually cried behind my Ray Ban Wayfarer while listening to MGMT's Kids. I bet none of you would actually expect that to happen. Who on Earth would cry in fear getting into the best university right? But I did. I suddenly had all of these questions popping in my head and most of them were wrapped in fears. I cried so badly because I fear that I will disappoint my parents. Who am I to get into Malaysia's best university? Where do I stand among all these smart alecs? What happens if I did the worst among all of them? These sudden fears just came, shooting me non-stoply. I was so scared that I will fail, I was so scared to let go off my past, my high school days, my matriculation days; until I actually set a line for myself. A line where I should never ever cross. Never ever. A line that consists of not finding love or 1000 friends or popularity. I was that scared, that I actually do not want to do anything else but, study. Insane. Yes it was.
After a year, I came to a realization. I've crossed the line way too far and there is not even a tinge of disappointment or regret or even feeling guilty to it. Wanna know why? Because, it's true; at a certain point in life, you have to make decisions. Lines are like boundaries, and the thing about them are, they keep people out and jail you in. This life; is messy. And I've decided to stop wasting my life drawing all these unnecessary lines for myself and living my life to the fullest crossing them. I believe that God has set everyone's fate. If you're meant to be successful, then, you will. The most important thing in life is that you keep on trying. And that's what I did after crossing those lines. Well, life isn't all perfect. There's ups and downs. I've made friends more than I expected, fought with those unexpected, became closest to those who were once strangers, build better relationship with those I thought I wouldn't, love a course that I and oh well, go figure. I said no love drama, but the episodes of it are just so unexpected and unpredictable and thrilling and exciting and those are the ones that kept giving me all these smiles and frowns and also those crappy but sometimes crazy mood swings most of the time. How about that success I'm catching for? Despite crossing those lines that were supposed to keep me focused and be success; surprisingly the decision of crossing those lines has made me score way off-chart grades! :D I just discovered my inner brilliant self. I guess, there is a reason behind everything that happened. I once feared that the whole agreeing to pursue a degree in Geology in the best university in the nation will be a catastrophe for me, but who would actually guess that it all turned the other way round. I am at the most happy state of life, surrounded with such great people. Some are even better than the past.
Lesson learnt; life is full of surprises, and shall be embraced. I'm glad with the new begin and those boundaries crossed. Syukur Alhamdulillah, Praised upon Allah SWT for such a wonderful life so far and for softening my grips :) Enjoy life while you still have it, have a great day, dear readers!
Loves, xx
Listening to: Oh! No by Marina and The Diamonds.
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