What’s up with the super long hiatus, Tasya? So, if ever any of you (I doubt people still read this page, so…) ever wonder about it, the answer is that; so many things are going on with my life. The good, bad, ugly, pretty, confusing, mixed things. Sometimes when I feel so much hurt, it pierced into me so deep that no words could describe, so I really do not know how to put in all onto a page. Then, when I feel so happy, I forgot about everything and no words could describe the giddy and peachy feelings running through me. Does that explain why I have been disappearing from here? Well, of course, I am referring that besides my tight schedule with my final year project.
As of today, I must say that my life has been balanced. I got hurt, but I got healed. The broken ones are stitched back together. The long waits have come to the unexpected meet. God is great. The first six months of the year, he threw me hard to the curb, picked me up, then threw me into an even hotter fire, then picked me up again just to make sure I am stronger than before. I am. I am so much stronger and so much more thankful for what I am going through right now.
My exam weeks were the climax of my 6th semester. I was tortured with so many challenges. But, my heart has grown to be so much stronger from it. I had days where I cry every time I wake up, then I feel like a useless piece of crap, then I feel so stupid for letting all these tiny things to hurt me, and then suddenly there are days when I wake up as though the sun smiles right to me and I could feel the euphoric air surrounds me. They all got me good. The pressure got me real good. The ups and downs balanced one another out like yin and yang.
The past two semesters were the hardest time of my life. Tested my relationships to the core. Tested my patience downright through me. These pains grew in me, through me. As though I am immuned to it. As though I came to learning to actually deal with it, and like it. Maybe I like the pain. Maybe I am peculiar like that. Because I honestly feel, without these pains, I don’t know, maybe I just would not feel real.
What’s the deal with that right? Why do I keep hitting myself to the wall? Why do I always find things that could hurt me and give me pain? Why? Because, once it stops, it feels so darn good. Feels real, and so good.
Right now, every single pain that I put myself to, has stop. This stop is temporary, but only God knows how good it feels. How good to take a break from all the pain and heart ache that has been hitting me.
I’m alright,
everyone. So should you.
Loves, xx
Listening to: You Gotta Be by Des'ree
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